Where have I been? October 2011

I wanted to start this entry with the line, 'Where have I been?', but it's in the heading, so I'm writing something else instead. How sneaky was that? Actually, this post has barely anything hiking related, so if you're sitting there with your zip off pants and boots on, then you may have to check something else out. Don't worry though, as I'll include some random photos such as the happy corellas above from my 'odds and sods' collection to give you something to look at.

I've being thinking about this blogging caper the last week and it's feeling a little stale, so I've decided to have the odd entry adopt the three 'R's of writing, which is rambling, rumination and rubbish. These may be shorter or longer (is that possible?) than most of my normal entries, but it's semi-inspired by what the northern Goat has done with his blog. Everyone needs an entry here and there outside the usual blog fare and whereas Goat calls his minimal entries 'random rambles', down south mine are going to be called 'filler'.

Firstly, it's being brought to my attention that I have a lot of dick jokes or references in my posts. Well, I stood up for myself and said, "What do you expect? I'm a bloke. What else can I write about?" I think there's not a lot of junk jokes in my blog, but I'll issue a disclaimer in future. Oh yeah, by the way, there'll be no mention of my cock in this entry (other than the mention just then and in the entire actual paragraph).

In my filler you'll also find some random photographs of things I have come across at home. Before you choke on your croissant, what I mean is this. I've got a scanner which I bought last summer and have never actually used. This is because Ben (youth makes one a groovy software guru) was going to show me how to use it. Instructions? Bah, I always find software instructions are written by people who know how the product works and in a language that I don't understand. Words like 'output profile', 'TWAIN data source' and 'computer' mean nothing to me, so I rely on some youthful enthusiasm to teach me. So, over a bag of peanut M&M's he showed me how to turn it on and as a result there's no holding me back now. I decided in the world of Google image searches for 'Ian Curtis' there are a number of crappy little photos online. What? I want massive, so I'm going to contribute to the universe some massive bloody pictures. Here's my first scanning attempt (remember I've only got up to the 'switch on' stage so far).

Feel the power. Late and great Ian Curtis...

Now, don't give me the, "Who's Ian Curtis?' type of hoo-hah. Joy Division were the band of my youth and Ian Curtis my flawed god. I can't believe he's been dead for over 30 years and who else can sing a line such as a "...a loaded gun won't set you free..." with such poignancy? So, pictures such as the one above will appear randomly just so they can get online for other Joy Division nuts to share. In fact this is one of the iconic Ian Curtis photos as it has all you need to know. Certified rock star starved look, trousers and shiny shirt, manic focused eyes and last, but not least the trademark flailing of the arms dance. I can imagine the noise being pumped out when this photo by Kevin Cummins was taken. How about some more Joy Division imagery?

Okay, there you go. I used to have an old cassette recorder whilst in the army in Townsville and on those hot, humid North Queensland nights I would crank the bejesus out of that player with a bit of Joy Division. My favourite of many is 'Colony' and it sounds like nothing I've heard since, as it's as if they used machinery in a foundry instead of musical instruments. Industrial mayhem at its best would blare out of my recorder and inevitably there would be banging on my wall from Arno Bross who was in the room next door. Arno Bross? Yes, it may be the best army name of all time and he came from a line of Bross' who used to sieve out the larvae from bottles of Mezcal when opened as it's, "...nice to have the best bit first sometimes..." whilst munching away.

Lots of unusual looking characters in the Army, but which one is me?

Then again he wasn't the only one who was mental, as I also worked with a bloke who on exercise at night he used to swig from a bottle of Worcestershire Sauce to stay awake on gun picquet during the eternal boredom of staring out at the dark for signs of movement. I can't remember the amount of times I'd be about to finish my tedious shift and some tool would decide to attack us. "Not now you bastards! I want to go to bed!"

How about some super grainy training 'combat'...

What else has been going on? Well, I think I got sacked by a follower as the number dropped by one the other night. I immediately launched a detailed forensic examination to locate the offender and I managed to find out it was my first ever follower. Hang on? First to join and first to go? It's 'GreeniesGoneBush' to 'GreeniesPissedOffSomewhere'. I couldn't do much else, but as it appears 'GreeniesGoneNuts' I felt compelled to sack him as well! What's going on Greenie?! Can I stop writing the word 'Greenie' now? It feels like grammar mayhem, which come to think of it I was sent a link to this blog the other day. The one thing I noticed more than anything was this entry about punctuation. The line that says, "...duplicate marks show weakness as a writer; your words should convey the strength of the emotion without the all the punctuation..." Well, what can I say, but it looks like I'm fucked!!!

Come to think of it I'm aware I abuse exclamation marks, but it's an old ploy to have the reader feel as if I'm extremely excitable and full of boundless energy when in fact I'm sitting on the couch in a faded Dale Earnhardt Jnr t-shirt with a completely straight look on my face.

I've actually got a double appointment with a shrink next week that work have sent me to. We get to discuss decapitation next week which should be particularly zany, but best of all his name is Max. I call him 'Mad Max' (inventive, huh?) but he doesn't find it amusing. He's actually insanely straight and I've run some of my best material past him such as, "what do you call a singing bedspread?" "Madoona", but he still doesn't laugh. I might have to crank up one of Ben's jokes which should get Mad Max going; "what did the farmer say when his harvester broke?" 'Oh, crop".

Speaking of Ben, he got caught up in the dismantling by the police of 'Occupy Melbourne' yesterday. I was quite proud to hear that he successfully got clouted in the chest by a policeman and is now sore as a result. I think everyone gets a random unexpected beating by the police at some stage in their life and as he's got the first one under his belt he can now work up to a more vigorous thrashing in the future. He took some good photos yesterday though between the 'fun', so let's have a look at a couple.

You know in the old days of demonstrations we used to hold the odd bin above our head for a bit of swinging action? Times have changed though and the casual use of an iPad for potential head clanging whilst filming at the same time, combined with a bit of a puff on a cigarette is where the action is.

One thing is fairly constant though and that's a bit of full throated abuse which is always a traditional winner.

Ben has the height which has many advantages such as 'above the crowd photo action' plus the extra altitude for movie watching at the cinema. He's documenting people around the city as well which is always good value. Black and white for this stuff only please.

The link to his photos that are on Flickr is in the sidebar of my blog homepage, so if you're a bit bored slip over there and show him some photo love.

What else? This entry had it all complete with my first uncensored swear word. How rebellious am I?Don't forget it's completely wild in Melbourne I think I'm done for the day, but I should end with where I started and that's a couple of friendly looking bird photos for you to admire. Albert Park is the place to walk around after work just for photo opportunities such as this.